Best Practice #5: Learn to Deal with Dysfunctional Group Member Behavior

Last month’s post dealt with defensiveness from failure to use I-messages. Other common group member participation problems include:

• Passive-aggressive behavior
• Cultural insensitivity
• Distrust
• Superficiality
• Domination
• Inflexibility
• Anxiety or fearfulness

Groups must learn to deal with dysfunctional member behavior openly, directly, and creatively. As pastoral counselor Clyde Reid advises, “In all these group problems, there is nothing like the openness and honest sharing of feelings as a general prescription for group health. This honesty has a price. It may be painful. But pain is often the necessary prelude to health.”[1]

Perhaps the best way to deal directly with group dysfunction is to build regular reviews into group life. That’s how the sharing and support group dealt with defensiveness from judgmental member behavior in last month’s post.

It’s important in its initial agreements about group life to include expectations for member participation. Consider the following conversation guides:[2]

Speak your mind freely.

• Everyone’s ideas are important.
• No one has your specific background of knowledge and experience.
•  Share your ideas––you have a responsibility besides listening.

Try to maintain an open mind.

• Listen objectively and without judgment. 
• Disagree in a friendly way.
• Remember that other people’s views make sense to them.

Help others to participate.

• Let the other person talk, too.
• Show interest in what others think and invite them to speak.
• Help make sure everyone has opportunity to share.

Keep communication clear.

• Listen to understand what others mean to say.
• Ask others to clarify unclear points.
• Perception check when communication breaks down.

Try to make the conversation a pleasant experience for all.

• A smile may do more to further discussion than your best arguments.
• Try to have fun, and make the conversation pleasant for others, too.
•  A laugh or pointed joke can dispel glumness, hostility, and boredom.

Use such guidelines to regularly review your group’s dynamics. Most common dysfunctional behavior can be addressed openly and directly by talking through these expectations for group member participation. 

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[1] Clyde Reid, Groups Alive––Church Alive: The Effective Use of Small Groups in the Local Church (New York: Harper & Row, 1969), 104.

[2] These conversation guides are taken from my book, Communication in the Church: A Handbook for Healthier Relationships (Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield, 2016), 37–38.